I'm not ready to give thanks. I am uneasy and I definitely don't feel as grateful as I should. No, not true. I am beyond thankful for James and his amazing developments this year. Our kid is toilet trained, can read words and even type sentences. Last week, he wrote notes on Facebook! Including one to his friend (really it was her proud mom with her daughter as her profile picture). "Hi S.... Goodbye" and his cousin, "hi K...I love you." Social interaction via a computer is ideal for an autistic kid!
So, I guess what I don't feel is a sweeping, cross-the-board, thankfulness. I swear I do every year. This year, I am perturbed by many of the so-called professionals in James' world. I am blown away by the fact that, as James grows older, he is increasingly pigeon-holed. Non-verbal = severe, just stick him in with violent kids. Hey, those kids can't tell on you. Listen, James can, and in sentences. He can actually count and do homework. No, not on his own. You have to make him. If he can get away with stimming all day, he will. So what if he cries? Challenge him for crying out loud. If you think James will "cry it out," you've obviously never met a child with a will. James will cry to get out of any situation where you let him. You let him whine, he'll cry, eventually scream, and then he doesn't do the damn task - or puts it off for a good while. Cool, great, he freaking WON you bloody educational idiots. At home, he does this crap? Unacceptable. PERIOD. Nip the whole damn thing in the bud. His school is set up for autistic kids whose problems - although real - make them just look undisciplined (they're not) OR kids that are so f'*ed-up that "normal" people look in horror and cross the street. SO what happens when your autistic kid falls between the crack? Nothing.
Enough said, it is apparent that I am not thankful to his school this year, and I suck at lying. But what I am grateful for is those angels who ease my stress and help me through life, so I can get James through his. From people who don't know it, like the super-friendly cashier, to those who do and go overboard, like C. who doesn't give up on me and has dropped everything to save my sanity, and most of all, to that gorgeous man who wants to live it with me.
So, I guess what I don't feel is a sweeping, cross-the-board, thankfulness. I swear I do every year. This year, I am perturbed by many of the so-called professionals in James' world. I am blown away by the fact that, as James grows older, he is increasingly pigeon-holed. Non-verbal = severe, just stick him in with violent kids. Hey, those kids can't tell on you. Listen, James can, and in sentences. He can actually count and do homework. No, not on his own. You have to make him. If he can get away with stimming all day, he will. So what if he cries? Challenge him for crying out loud. If you think James will "cry it out," you've obviously never met a child with a will. James will cry to get out of any situation where you let him. You let him whine, he'll cry, eventually scream, and then he doesn't do the damn task - or puts it off for a good while. Cool, great, he freaking WON you bloody educational idiots. At home, he does this crap? Unacceptable. PERIOD. Nip the whole damn thing in the bud. His school is set up for autistic kids whose problems - although real - make them just look undisciplined (they're not) OR kids that are so f'*ed-up that "normal" people look in horror and cross the street. SO what happens when your autistic kid falls between the crack? Nothing. 
Enough said, it is apparent that I am not thankful to his school this year, and I suck at lying. But what I am grateful for is those angels who ease my stress and help me through life, so I can get James through his. From people who don't know it, like the super-friendly cashier, to those who do and go overboard, like C. who doesn't give up on me and has dropped everything to save my sanity, and most of all, to that gorgeous man who wants to live it with me.
2 comments:
i just was wondering where your blog links were. well, now it seems like we feel the same way. not thankful. angry. sad. but very grateful for the gains made by our child and that we know are because we are doing it ourselves pretty much. and will have to do. forever. anyway, i'm there too. and here for you and james.
The school is no longer for kids with autism, now there are kids with schizophrenia and psychotic disorders, not school aged but teenagers who masturbate in school and sexually harass and threaten the staff. Well, changes are happening with DOE, kids who are not behavioral are going to be pushed into higher functioning rooms and basically their cognitive needs will be totally neglected as long as they sit quietly. All the behavioral kids are going to be lumped together, so the staff may as well kill themselves or quit now. None of the children are going to be getting what they really need.
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