Humility

Certain things are non-negotiable in our house.  No biting, no hitting, and no kicking.  I deal with James' autism as best I can, but when one of these arises, I am rigid and inflexible. Absolutely 

unacceptable
behavior!
I am not saying I never see hitting or kicking again - James is autistic and he is human - but it does stop.  So why am I accepting an 8 year-old wearing diapers?  

I mostly parent by making James think things are his idea.  Not only because he is very stubborn, but I want James to feel that his decisions and choices matter.  I have tried to carry this over into potty training.  For 5 years, we attempted various methods: naked baby, no diapers, staying in the bathroom for hours, and visiting at 30-minutes intervals.  And our approaches have not been inconsistent or haphazard, the last plan was a way of life for a year and a half.  It back-fired.  James stopped peeing and held for 13, 15, 18 hours. Suppositories were a way of life.  He is again regular, going in his diaper.  This is huge, taking us almost the same amount of time to get back to square one.  We read books, have an open door bathroom policy, and constantly talk about it.  Unfortunately, I am sad to say that my instincts were wrong, that gentle pushing has not gotten through to James and we are no closer to using the bathroom.  

SO . . . starting Monday, another non-negotiable decree begins in our house: wearing diapers is unacceptable.  We are loading up on elastic-waist shorts, underpants, plastic bed covers, and case loads of liquids. Hello Hawaiian Punch!!!  Yes, I am plying my son with what I consider crack because he cannot resist the stuff and then he will HAVE to pee wether he likes it or not.

At the same time I am rueing over my mistake, I am elated at one James made on his homework.  James rarely makes an error because everything involves hand-over-hand and constant explanation.  Last week was all about animals.  One day, we painted the background, another was about coloring the animals. Lastly, we read and then wrote the names of the animals.  When it came to the lions, I spelled "L - I - O - N - S."  Okay, James: write lions. L.  I.  and he wrote O.  No James that should be an I.  So he wrote an I . . . and then finished the word.  Amazing!   Once again, James is showing his old mom a thing or two.  Mistakes aren't all bad.  Rather, I should view mine like I view his, as a positive step on the path to learning.  Sigh.  How freaking wise can one autistic kid be?