forever

Recently, another mom asked me about my plans for James' future.  I don't know, I replied.  Well, he's eleven now, you have to think about it!  I let her go on about how bad group homes were, the abuse and neglect.  She had a dream plan to create a small, family-run group home.  While it sounded great, the more she went on, the more isolating it seemed.  It sounded so final.  It sounded hopeless.  Just another version of an institution.  Then, James and I got stuck on the West Side Highway, extending our trip to almost three hours.  While he happily listened to CBS 101.1 FM (his current fave), I just thought and stewed and thought:  NO!!!  I yelled at her, in my head hours later.   I think of James' future non-stop.  But in no way am I limiting it now.  I was told he should be potty trained by age 5 or it would never happen.  I was told non-verbal usually can't comprehend much language. I was told institutionalizing him early would be "best" and I should "move on with my life."  I was told he could never use an iPad because he couldn't keep a physical schedule, let alone comprehend it.  Guess what?  In our case, all this advice turned out to be bunk.  What worked?  Another mom encouraging me to get ProLoQuo2Go for James because she knew him and could see that it could benefit him as it did her daughter.  Another mom who is also a speech therapist watching him and realizing he could read and then asking him to type a word in answer to a question, and he did and never stopped.  Who potty trained him?  After our exhaustive efforts?  He did.  He just decided it was time. . . and that time was long after five years of age!  Make all the plans you want in life.  Plans are good.  I am a control freak, I know, I make them non-stop.  To-do list.  Shopping list. Week's menu.  School Itinerary.  Therapy schedule.  But then life steps in.  Someone gets sick.  Car breaks down.  You have a cerebral stroke.  Hurricane destroys your home.  Do your darndest, but at some point, life will step in and alter your reality. As for someone else's life?  Who knows?  We can sketch an outline, make suggestions, present options, be encouraging.  But James' life is his and he is going to make his own freaking future decisions.